she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
