You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize