I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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