my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
