Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
