She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
