I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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