You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
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