just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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