AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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