a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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