I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
