i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
should my penis look like a turkey
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
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