he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
