Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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