What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
