Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
