I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
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