Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Randomize
