its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
