I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize