He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
