We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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