is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
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