I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Randomize
