I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Randomize