The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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