I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
