Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Randomize
