there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Less talking, more tequila
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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