what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
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