oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Randomize
