I look better un-naked...
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I'm like, not good at living.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize