he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
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