I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Randomize
