Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Randomize
