i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
