six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize