He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
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