i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
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