he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize
