I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
