What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
