can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
