Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
