happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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