I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
