remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
