I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
