i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize