Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
