I think scott just propositioned me for sex
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
