If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
