Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
