I want to stick my p in your. b.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Randomize