I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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