You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
