Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize