and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize