I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
This toilet bowl is my home.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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