I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Randomize
