saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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