You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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